Ever since I moved, but particularly since classes began, I alternate between being (almost) completely confident in my abilities and moments of panic.
Once those moments of panic pass, I’ve been trying to put things in perspective and isolate exactly what it is that’s causing my uncertainty. Is it the amount of work required of me? It’s a lot, but I remind myself of some of my undergrad classes and how busy they kept me. Thanks to my good time management skills, I never got really stressed though. So what’s different now? I think a lot of it has to do with fear of the unknown. Though I think my undergrad education truly prepared me for grad school, one still hears about how standards are much higher for graduate work. So can I measure up? Also, when I got an assignment from a professor in undergrad, I usually had taken a class with that person before, knew someone who had, or at the very least had completed a similar assignment in the past. Again, I think now I am experiencing some fear of the unknown. Not only do I have some assignments unlike any I’ve completed before, I know nothing about the expectations of these professors. (It also doesn’t help that some of them are not real clear in their instructions.)
I also find myself missing home a million times more than when I left for undergrad. I think that’s because when I moved to Michigan I really want to go there. I wanted my college education just for its own sake. My move this time and my pursuit of a graduate degree is more of a means to an end. It’s not something I want in and of itself, but a way to open more doors for what I ultimately want to do.
So that’s where I’m at tonight. Encouragement appreciated!
ETA: I also forgot to mention that, I think, a lot of my uncertainty also centers around my fear that working 20 hours/week while going to school full time will be more than I can handle. Every time I start thinking along those lines, though, I read or hear some amazing story about someone else working 60 hours/week, going to school full time, and raising a family. Then I realize I’m not really doing that much.